Pity Party First, Kick Ass Later

Sister, I know how it is because I've been there. The world is screaming "calm down" but you know that that's not an option. You want to scream, swear, stomp your feet, pout, binge watch netflix with your favorite comfort food, curl up in a ball, cry, and make the world revolve around your pain. Well guess what? You should. 

I am a firm believer that you must pity party first, and kick ass later. 

Success and inspiration can be found in the lowest of places. Let yourself have a pity party, eat an entire tub of ice cream, binge watch trash tv, scream at the universe; then you will be able to tackle your issues and conquer the world. Pity Party First, Kick Ass Later. 

Ugly Self-Care is a THING! 

To some people, self care means putting on your favorite facial mask with a bath bomb. However to a lot of us, self care means ugly crying and screaming at the "master creator" for what they have done for you. I call this "ugly self-care" but in reality, it has the most beautiful results. Let me tell you why this works: 

  • You cannot overcome a victim mindset without first thinking like a victim. 
  • You cannot live a happy and productive life with pains and challenges clouding your brain. 
  • It is okay to experience emotions; they are natural. 
  • If you do not let yourself feel, your body and spirit takes on the burdens of the emotional body.

The Victim Mindset vs. The Hero Mindset

Be the hero in your story and overcome that victim mindset. 

Be the hero in your story and overcome that victim mindset. 

A good story begins with a naive character, the challenge that they endure, and their heroic rise to overcome. A victim mindset is someone who is naive, faces a challenge, and lives in the realm of things like "why me" or "story of my life." They believe that unjust things will always happen to them; thus attracting more negativity into their life. To be a hero, we must first be the victim. Experience victimhood. Figure out your escape. Figure out the obstacles you have to overcome. Turn yourself into a survivor. 

Best Way To Move Clouds Is To First Storm

What happens when the sky is overcast? You pray for it to just rain, thunder, lightning- anything!!! to bring back your beautiful blue sky. Let your body cry it out, let your body scream it out, punch a pillow, do what you need to do to recover. If you keep those pent up emotions inside, your brain will suffer. The Director of the Psychiatry Research Lab at St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center states, "People say they feel better after crying and our data shows this is so." Frey's studies have proven that crying is the body's natural response to any sort of stress, and that many feel comforted and relieved after letting it out. It has been shown that lack of tears can contribute to stress and brain disease down the road.

If you don't let it OUT, your body and aura take on the burdens of keeping it pent up inside

Built up anger, aggression, and stress lingers in the energy body and can cause migraines, tension, and inflammation. It can also contribute to poor gut health like indigestion and constipation. Not to mention your energy suffers greatly. Your aura will be clouded. People will come into contact with you less and less because your energy is no longer compelling. Friends may disappear or treat you differently. Your subtle body will suffer. 

Take a look at how keeping our emotions bottled up effects the chakras. This is what makes it so important to experience our feelings, thoughts, and emotions. If you keep everything pent up inside, your subtle body suffers; and thus creates a more problematic mood, mindset, and physical health. 

Observe Your Emotions, Then Let Your Emotions Pass

There is a great meditation known as "Leaves on the Stream." In this exercise, you take every thought you have and place it on a leaf floating down the river. This allows you to observe that thought or emotion, and watch it pass. Learning this technique can help you in your day-to-day life by not beating yourself up for experiencing an emotion but also not holding on to that emotion. It helps you separate yourself from that emotion by extending an awareness, and also can help you detach from it to let it float away. Listen below. 

Set this as your phone background for a peaceful reminder whenever you check the time or texts. Leaves on a stream mindfulness exercise will help you observe and let go. 

Set this as your phone background for a peaceful reminder whenever you check the time or texts. Leaves on a stream mindfulness exercise will help you observe and let go. 

It is human nature to feel, and dangerous to push our feelings aside. To delve into your emotional responses is the ultimate form of courage and strength. To let the tears pour out, the cries and screams be heard, to let yourself be in a state of darkness. Once you are submerged in the darkness you will be able to find your way to the light easier. If you harbor these emotions within you for too long, they will escalate and worsen. PLEASE allow yourself a pity party for whatever bad news you have experienced... and then conquer from there. 

When Does the Pity Party End? 

Deadlines are so important! This will help prevent you from letting your pity party spiral out of control into a prolonged state of depression and victimhood. Mine is anywhere from 1-3 days then you can begin faking it. You may not be completely healed, but you will feel a lot better. Over time, faking it can help you return to your normal self. It can help patch up the holes that were left open after such a big release of emotion. It can replenish your soul and counteract the difficult emotions that you just experienced. 

What is Your Ugly Self-Care / Pity Party Ritual? 

I LOVE to hear from my readers! Let me know what your go-to ugly self care routine is or how letting it out has helped you feel good enough to conquer your goals and kick ass! 

The Key To Happiness: Surrendering to Life

I didn't create a happier life by sitting back and waiting for things to get better. I surrendered to the bad, thanked the universe for the bad, and said, "bring it on!" The following anecdote helps me visualize happiness when times get tough. Use it to help you see how to achieve freedom and happiness.

happinesswithandzensome

Have you ever noticed what it feels like to be a passenger in the car on a route you normally take? All of the sudden you start noticing things you've missed before, like a beautiful patch of wildflowers or an abandoned farm, a quirky name for a road or a beautiful sunset. 

When you are the driver you miss these things because you are attached to your destination, staying in between the lines, making the trip in good time, stopping when you need to stop, going when you need to go, and turning when you need to turn. 

When you begin to live life as if you are the driver, you become so focused on the destination that you lose sight in the thrill of adventure. You might ignore the things around you that make you smile, and all the things that make your journey worth it. 

When you choose to live life as a passenger, you begin to see the world around you in a different way. Trust that there is a driver to your destination and you will get to where you need to be no matter what. You no longer feel the need to control the car or to worry about the time in which you arrive. You no longer feel the need to stay in the lines or worry about proper directions. Now you begin to see the things in your world that are there to make you smile - that may have been there all along.

This is called surrender. It is the key to happiness. 

Surrender can also mean letting go completely of the destination. 

I once read about a fun date idea: to get in the car and flip a coin. If its heads, you turn right. If its tails, you turn left. Imagine living your life this way and letting go of any attachment to an outcome or a destination and you just went with the flow. The world is full of possibilities. Of back roads and dirt roads and highways and crossroads and bike trails and oceans for you to cross. Don't worry about the destination, just trust you will get there. 

Trying to control your life will bring you nothing but stress, anger, and discontent. You will never feel like you are complete if you are always trying to control the universe, the people around you, and your path. Your moment is bigger than you. The world is bigger than you. Life is bigger than you. Let yourself feel the peace that comes with surrender. Take a big sigh and put it in the hands of your driver.  

You will find greater joy in the happy things in your world, if you trust that there is a force that will take care of your goals. Whatever divine force you believe in, whether it is the Universe or God or a Guardian Angel...who/whatever. Trust that they have a plan. Every body is born with a purpose and with that purpose comes a path. The hard times are meant to put you there. Those hard times will later develop into something amazing. Every transformation starts with a fire or an end. As for the good times - begin to enjoy them. Trust that its okay to put your work down or let go of something and have fun, relax, or take a breath of fresh air. 

[Enjoying this article so far? Check out THIS ONE for related advice!]  Click this link to learn how to Release Attachments

The art of surrender requires not only a great deal of trust, but of learning to accept that every single moment is fleeting. The famous quote: "This too shall pass." Has as much to do with the good days as it does the bad days. Every bad moment will pass, of course it will. However, you must accept that your good will soon fade away. So embrace it while it is at your reach. Trust that everything you are worried about is taken care of and go after what makes you happy. Chase the things that make you smile. They will soon pass. Surrender to this fact. So many people get worked up over their good times not lasting or find themselves saying "oh great - another bump in the road." But you must know that another good time will soon come. Surrender to these bad times, and it will be much easier to enjoy the great times while they are there. 

So... how do you let go of control & surrender? 

There are many ways to help you surrender. If you have ever been told that you are "too tense" or need to "just relax"... then you're not only a lot like me, but you might have trouble coping with the bad times and figuring out HOW to surrender. My best advice for this is to literally train your brain. With every bad time, think of a silver lining. Say thank you to the universe whenever you feel like your life is out of control. Learn to appreciate the bad moments in life because you will never be stressed. You can also train your brain by accepting a negative outcome and thinking of backup plans. Have a list of things you may want to be or do in life. Go down the list and picture a fulfilling life with each one of those things. Maybe in one life you are happily married with kids, but in another you are a CEO of 6 companies and a beautiful home, and in another you are an online blogger traveling the world. Keep your goals, keep your dreams, but accept yourself through all the alternatives. And of course, visualize there is a driver taking you to where you need to be! 

My Favorite Crystals for Letting Go: 

AndZenSomeAmmolite

Ammolite

Helps free you from expectation and the past

Variscite And Zen Some

Variscite

Relieves any worries, fears, or doubts.

Larimar Meaning And Zen Some

Larimar

Go with the flow & the changing tides of life.